On Hold

As life bustles by
Under the clearest skies,
Frozen I sits still.


Discussion questions

Dear readers,

Please observe the following stanzas.

– Stanza 1 –

As life bustles by
Under the clearest skies,
Frozen I sits still.

-Stanza 2 –

As life bustles by
Under the clearest skies,
Frozen, I sit still.

Does the first one sound grammatically correct to you?

“Frozen I ” is being used as a nominal group and ” I ” as a noun and not a pronoun in this particular instance. This nominal group would there become a third person, detached from the narrator and observed from a distance.

To me in the first stanza the narrator is absent from the scene watching himself/herself from afar, while in the second stanza the narrator is conscious of his/her state of immobility, very much present but unable to move.

I know the second is grammatically correct. And I have a feeling the first one is too – poetic licence. However I could not find any confirmation on the Internet… hence the question posted here.

Which version of this haiku do you prefer?

I feel closest to the first one. I prefer its rythm and think that it has more depth to it. However I don’t want to risk a grammatical mistake, that is why I would really appreciate your reactions :).

Much love and happy writing!

Hailie.


 

Featured image captured on the 7th of January, 2017, in Lucinges, Haute Savoie, France with an iPhone 5S HDR settings.

 

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Daria Kill says:

    I would go for #2.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Daria! Grammatically speaking so would I, but number one speaks to me more… with some poetic licence that is 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Singledust says:

    I would go with #2, though #1 gave me goosebumps for some reason, like a person forced to sit still, #2 is more me, enforcing my own stillness against the world. But I never studied English in such depth so its just my gut reaction. Love that you bring up such lines like this for us to ponder on. Hope you have had a good half of January so far, and I really love the photos you post, especially this one. I would love to sit there alone with myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Number one has more effect on me too somehow. It might benefit from a slight change in punctuation. For example putting the “I” between quote marks. I appreciate your input 🙂

      Thank you very much for taking an interest 🙂

      I also hope that you had an amazing start to this year.
      🙂 much love Gina 🙂 and happy writing 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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